How to Create Positive Sleep Associations for Your Baby
I gazed down at my sleeping baby, taking in his sweet scent, and the soft creak of the rocking chair.
Then the thoughts came: I’m not supposed to rock him. He’s going to develop a sleep association. Lay him down.
As a first-time mom, I couldn’t even enjoy a quiet moment with my baby without this anxiety plaguing me.
Experts make baby sleep so confusing for new moms. Alongside a lot of advice on what not to do, there’s little out there on what to do. Or what to do when safe sleep tips leave us with a screaming baby.
What I learned (after much trial and error) was how to enjoy my baby, teach him good sleep habits, and turn off my anxious thoughts. So here’s the truth about your baby’s sleep associations that will make anxiety around infant sleep a thing of the past.
What Are Baby Sleep Associations?
Like me, you’ve probably heard “sleep associations” thrown around as an elusive problem when it comes to infant sleep. They sound scary but are simply things that help us get to sleep.
For example, think about your own sleep associations. Most of us have environmental sleep associations. We sleep in a bed when it’s dark out. Our bed and a dark room are something our body begins to associate with sleep–a sleep association.
The same goes for babies. The environment that they consistently fall asleep in becomes a sleep association.
There are two different types of sleep associations: positive and negative. Positive sleep associations are things that don’t require you to help your baby sleep. These are good sleep associations because they encourage independent sleep and help your baby sleep better. Things like a bedtime routine, a white noise machine, and even a full belly.
Developing Positive Sleep Associations
Positive sleep associations help babies learn to sleep. They are the perfect first step to creating good sleep habits for your baby.
Start off with positive sleep associations from the minute you bring your baby home. Think of things you can offer your baby that will help him sleep.
Positive Sleep Associations
- His Own Bed
- White Noise Machine
- Swaddle or Sleep Sack
- Pacifiers
- Dimmed Lights or a Dark Room
- A Bedtime Routine
These are all great things to teach your baby to associate with sleep. Following certain sleep routines consistently will signal sleep time and your baby will be ready to sleep at the end of it.
Start today
Identify and create some positive sleep associations for your baby.
You probably already have some in place. Maybe you give them a bath before bed, change their diaper, and put on clean pjs. These are all positive sleep associations.
Try adding some more positive sleep associations, like a story, a wearable blanket, or a white noise machine.
The Scary Negative Sleep Association
I dragged myself out of bed to the sound of my crying 6-month-old. As I sleepily fed him, I realized something was different. He wasn’t immediately falling back asleep.
I’d been back to work for a few weeks at this point and my husband had been caring for him during the day. He had a specific way of bouncing him to sleep.
I desperately tried to duplicate his bouncing method, but nothing I did worked.
In this case, my baby had developed a sleep association with bouncing and he couldn’t fall asleep without that specific bouncing method. This was a negative sleep association because he couldn’t fall back asleep on his own without the bouncing. (He’d previously had a negative sleep association with feeding but that wasn’t a problem.)
When a Negative Sleep Association Becomes a Problem
A negative sleep association becomes a problem when your baby starts waking up regularly and can’t be returned to sleep without the sleep props that you provide.
If you find yourself going into your baby’s room in the middle of the night to feed, rock, or bounce your baby to sleep, the negative sleep association has become a problem.
You also may find yourself doing something odd like putting him in his car seat and driving around the neighborhood or pushing your 1-year-old around in a stroller to get him to sleep. If your baby falls asleep with this method, it’s safe, and you don’t have a problem with doing it daily, then it isn’t a problem.
Negative associations are only a problem when it becomes a problem for you.
Some babies develop sleep associations that never become a problem. You can feed, rock, or do a dance with your baby to get them to sleep. If they sleep through the night and you don’t mind doing it, then keep on.
A Note on Newborns
Do whatever you need to do to get your newborn to sleep (as long as it’s safe). Babies don’t develop sleep associations until 4+ months (Barker, 2023) so set the anxiety aside and enjoy rocking and holding your newborn.
Related: Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night WIth Gentle Night Weaning
What You Need to Know About Infant Sleep
Babies sleep differently than adults do. Your baby can easily be roused in active sleep and hard to wake in deep sleep. A newborn sleep cycle is approximately 50-55 minutes (contrasting adult sleep cycles, which are approximately 90-110 minutes) (Dewar 2023). This means your baby may rouse from sleep more easily. And if they have a problem with a negative sleep association, they may wake between every sleep cycle.
Babies also need a lot of sleep and have limited wake windows. Understanding your baby’s sleep needs and wake windows can go a long way in helping your baby sleep better.
How Much Sleep Does a Baby Need?
| Age | Hours of Sleep in 24-Hour Period | Hours of Sleep per Night | Daytime/Naptime Hours |
|---|---|---|---|
| Newborn | 16 to 20 hours in the first 4 to 6 weeks; then 14 to 17 hours | Hours are equally divided between day and night | Sleep occurs in about 2- to 3-hour blocks for breastfed babies and 3- to 4-hour blocks for bottle-fed babies |
| Babies 3 to 6 Months Old | 14 hours | 8 to 9 hours with interruption for feedings | 3 naps lasting about 2 hours each |
| Babies 6 to 12 Months Old | 14 hours | 8 to 9 hours without interruption if well-fed | 2 or 3 naps lasting from 30 minutes to 2 hours each |
| Toddlers 12+ Months Old | 12 to 14 hours | 10 hours | 1 or 2 naps, totaling 2 to 3 hours |
If your baby is getting less than the recommended sleep, they may become overtired and have a harder time getting to sleep.
Wake Windows
Newborns: 60 to 90 minutes
Newton Baby
4 to 6-month-olds: 1.5 to 2.5 hours
7 to 9-month-olds: 2 to 3.5 hours
10 to 12-month-olds: 2.5 to 4 hours
13 to 15-month-olds: 2.5 to 4.5 hours
16 to 18-month-olds: 4.5 to 5.5 hours
18-month-olds and older: 5 to 6 hours
Your baby will be the easiest to put down when he’s drowsy, so pay attention to wake windows (how long he can be awake before needing to sleep again). An easy way to do this is to use the Huckleberry App (Plus membership), which will notify you when it’s time for each nap. But you can also watch the clock.
Related: Help When Your Baby Will Only Sleep When Held
Healthy Sleep Habits
Create healthy sleep habits for your baby and you will never have to deal with a negative sleep association.
- Have a consistent bedtime routine
- Have a sleep space for your baby
- Intentionally create positive associations
- Avoid negative sleep associations
If you do these things early on, you will never have a sleep problem or have to resort to sleep training.
Related: Newborn Sleep Tips
Sleep Training Methods
If your baby has a negative sleep association and it’s become a problem, there are a few things you can do to help.
- Try using a gentle sleep training method
- Create positive sleep associations
- Create a bedtime routine
- Try gradually removing the negative sleep association
For example, Rock more slowly, feed until your baby is falling asleep but not asleep, then hold and rock them for a minute. Even if you add a new negative association temporarily, that’s ok. The new association won’t be as strong and you may be able to gradually remove it more easily.
This method will take some time.
If you want fast results, you’re going to get more crying. The typical method, suggested by pediatric sleep expert Richard Ferber, is to follow your bedtime routine, then lay your baby down awake. Your baby will cry and you can go in to reassure him that he’s ok gradually less often. (Read more about The Ferber Method.)
If you stay consistent with creating good sleep habits, you will never have a problem and you can save yourself those anxious thoughts. It’s the best way to make sure you never have any sleep issues.
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References
Baby Sleep Cycles & Patterns explained. Pampers. (2022, May 18). https://www.pampers.com/en-us/baby/sleep/article/baby-sleep-cycles
Barker, N. (2023, February 20). Sleep associations… what’s all the fuss about? Little Ones. https://www.littleones.co/blog/sleep-associations-whats-all-the-fuss-about
Blackman, K. (2022, November 22). Wake windows by age: A month-by-month guide. Newton Baby. https://www.newtonbaby.com/blogs/parenting-kids/wake-windows-by-age
Lagomarsino, K. (2023, January 20). The Ferber Method for Sleep training: A parent’s guide. Parents. https://www.parents.com/baby/sleep/basics/the-ferber-method-explained/
